


If I can’t have you

by otakuvoc



Series: ShiraGoshi week 2020 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:49:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27920026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otakuvoc/pseuds/otakuvoc
Summary: It happened every time a prince turned 18, he had to find a person to marry. For some reason this time it irked Kenjiro much more than the two past ones did.“Please. Don’t do this now. We can leave. I’m sure we can find somewhere secluded, just the two of us.”
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Shirabu Kenjirou
Series: ShiraGoshi week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039809
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	If I can’t have you

**Author's Note:**

> NGL THIS ONE MADE ME SHED A TEAR WHEN I WROTE IT BUT IT HAS HAPPY ENDING SO ITS OKAY (my friends are the reason there’s a happy ending because I was going to make it sad but they were like ‘no ye fuckin don’t🔪🔪’ so I was like oh ok then) FOR SHIRAGOSHI WEEK DAY 3 (ROYALTY AU) LETS GOOOO

Shirabu fiddled with his fingers, sighing loudly. He didn’t know how his dad managed the whole kitchen while keeping a smile on his face during dances. Everything seemed to be going so quickly, with people running from one side to another and it was giving him a headache. 

He hated dances, because everyone seemed so excited and tireless. It wasn’t that special, they just needed to make more food than usual for the guests. The guests. Shirabu let out another sigh at the thought. There would be countless women trying to charm the prince. It happened every time a prince turned 18, he had to find a person to marry. For some reason this time it irked Kenjiro much more than the two past ones did. 

“You seem overwhelmed. You should take a break.” 

He almost jumped to the ceiling, whipping his head around and arriving face-to-face with the prince.

“Tsutomu what are you doing here, you’re supposed to be getting ready for tonight, it’s your big day. Don’t worry about me, I don’t have the time to take a break we’re extremely busy.” As he spoke, Shirabu pushed the raven softly until they were out of the kitchen.

“Go back to your quarters and get pampered okay, you can’t hang out in the kitchens right now.”

“But Kenji...”

“I said what I said.” He crossed his arms before being lifted off the ground like a twig and thrown onto Goshiki’s shoulder.

“And I did what I did.” The boy exclamed, running off towards the gardens.

“What the fuck, Tsutomu let me down!”

“No, I’m kidnapping you.”

The prince ran into the central maze and kept running until he found the place he was searching for. A fountain surrounded by benches, vines and roses sat in a room of bushes. It was the place where the two boys had first met, at age 6, when Shirabu had gotten lost in the maze after his dad had asked him to go bring some tomatoes from the garden. Afterwards, they kept coming back to that place to talk, wrestle, run around, playfully argue or do anything two teenage boys could do. Tsutomu let Kenjiro back to the ground and slumped on a bench, smiling.

“What are you smiling for? My dad is going to give me an earful for leaving the kitchen on such an important day.” He started pacing around the fountain, shooting Goshiki a glare every now and then.

“It isn’t important.” Goshiki sighed and crossed his arms.

“What do you mean? Tsutomu, you’re going to meet a woman who’s going to be sharing your life, how is that not important? You’re going to find love!”

“I already found love!”

“What?” Kenjiro stopped dead in his tracks.

“No, uhm t-that’s not what I me-meant. I meant that I uh, that I... that I don’t want to choose a woman that I never talked to in my whole life and who... and who probably doesn’t care about me and just wants the title of princess. Hell, I don’t want to be with a woman at all!” He stuttered before putting his head down in his hands.

“What do you mean, you don’t want to be with a woman?”

“Kenjiro, you’re smart enough to figure it out.” He whined through his hands.

“I know, but I want to hear you say it.” The copper haired spoke softly, sitting down next to the prince and running a hand through his hair.

“I only like men, Kenji. I like men who are hardworking, who can put their foot down and speak for what they believe, who are strong willed and devoted, but who are still nice and affectionate when they know I need it.”

“Sounds like you have someone in mind.” Shirabu teased, his fingers still running through the silky black locks.

“Yeah.” He looked at Kenjiro, his dark eyes meeting caramel ones.

“Tsutomu! There you are! We’ve been searching all around for you!” Noryko, the eldest prince’s wife and soon-to-be queen shouted, running up to them and coming to a halt next to the two boys, panting. “Do you have any idea of how embarrassed the King was when he learned you literally dragged a kitchen boy into the gardens?”

“Nory, please, I can’t go.” The raven looked at his sister-in-law with pleading eyes.

“Tsutomu, come on dear, I know it’s a stressful day but look at the bright side, you’re going to be at a great ball with many beautiful ladies who want nothing more than to spend their life with you, isn’t that amazing?” She smiled, bringing the teenage boy in a hug.

Kenjiro felt somewhat intimidated by the woman’s presence because she was, after all, the next queen, but her heart of gold seemed to relax his nerves. Tsutomu was comfortable with her, so Shirabu guessed that he could be too. Or at least as comfortable as a kitchen boy could get with the next queen. 

“I.. uhm yeah…” Goshiki rubbed a hand to the back of his head.

“You don’t seem convinced, come on, cheer up!” She smiled, pulling him up.

“You won’t give up, will you?” 

“No, so follow me. Oh and Kenjiro?” She turned to the copper headed boy. He straightened and bowed.

“Yes ma’am?”

“No need to be so formal all the time, you’re Tsutomu’s best friend, and the royal family isn’t better than everyone just because we’re royalty okay? We’re still here because we love our people and our people love us.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“I just said— you know what, do whatever makes you feel most comfortable.” She smiled and gestured for them both to follow.

They parted at the kitchens, where Kenjiro went to join his father into making countless appetizers for the guests. As he was working, he saw many people glance his way, whispering. He felt his cheeks flare up as he knew exactly what they were gossiping on. Tsutomu’s “kidnapping” hadn’t exactly gone unnoticed. 

“Kenjiro.” His father’s stern voice ripped him out of his thoughts.

“Yes?”

“What was that?”

“I’m sorry.” He glanced down at his hands before going back to cutting fish for the appetizers. 

His father dropped the subject with a sigh and they finished the meals in silence, only momentarily getting interrupted by other cooks who wanted to ask the oldest Shirabu some questions.

Once they were done, Shirabu got sent to the cooks’ quarters to get changed, since he would be helping the maids and butlers with serving dinner along with a few of the younger and best looking cooks.

“Kenjiro, can you help me tie this thing? I don’t think I ever had to wear one of those.” Taichi fiddled with the fabric, twisting it in random directions. 

“Bold of you to assume I know how to. Ask Eita, the motherfucker probably knows everything.”

“Yes I do. Come here you losers I’ll do your ties.” Semi started helping the two boys with their clothing.

“Why do we have to do this?” Shirabu sighed as Semi worked the fabric around his neck.

“Because the youngest prince is the most lusted over. There’s gunna be a bunch of ladies who want nothing more than to get in his pants. That’s good looks and royalty for you.” Kawanishi deadpanned as Shirabu grimaced.

“Gross.” He mumbled as anger bubbled in his stomach. Goshiki was so much more than just good looks dressed expensively, and the fact that people wanted to get close to him just for that made his blood boil. 

He managed to push it back by remembering the prince’s earlier confession. He didn’t like girls. He liked guys and he had this one guy in sight. Shirabu didn’t want to admit it to himself but he was a bit jealous of whoever Goshiki had his eye on. Not because he was the prince or had good looks, but because he was Goshiki Tsutomu, a caring, determined, sweet and wholesome guy who Kenjiro had grown up with, a guy the cook had fallen hopelessly for during their youth and had never managed to get back up. He didn’t want to see the evening arrive and even less wanted to be in the room when countless people would swirl around him like flies.

“I think you just made Kenjiro’s usual bitch mood twice as bad.” Eita nudged the frowning boy.

“Try and smile, Ken, we’re going.”

The three boys grabbed drink trays and walked in the large hall, which was already bustling with activity. Shirabu glanced around but found no sight of Tsutomu anywhere. He saw both of the older princes and the princess, but the man of the day was nowhere to be seen.

“He’s gunna be arriving a bit later.” Eita slipped next to him and whispered in his ear. 

Shirabu shot him a glare before putting on his perfect poker face and going around the place with his tray. Many, many young ladies dressed in extravagant and revealing dresses were scattered around the place, chatting and giggling obnoxiously. Shirabu tried his best to hold back any eye roll that tugged at his face. Luckily, he saw a few girls who seemed to have some human decency, but most of them stayed in the back of the room, furthest away from where the prince would be appearing.

Shirabu decided that it would be the place where he would spend most of the evening. At least, he thought he would until he got a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, seeing Tsutomu’s head peeking from behind the thick curtains that covered all of the side doors. The raven motioned for him to follow, so Shirabu left his tray and followed the boy.

“What the fuck Tsutomu?” He whisper-yelled as he followed the boy in the back corridors that led back to the kitchens.

Before they reached the kitchens, though, Tsutomu pulled him into a storage room.

“Kenjiro I can’t do this. Did you see how many people there are?” He rambled with wide eyes.

“I know, I was in the room before you suddenly appeared and took me away.”

“You followed on your own accord.”

“Oh fuck off.”

“Thank you. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you didn’t follow.” He sighed, letting himself fall against the wall.

“What’s wrong Tsutomu? Let it out now, and then go to your ball, act like what they want you to act and it’ll be over okay?” He mumbled, pulling the other in a hug.

“Can you promise me one thing?” The raven buried his head in Shirabu’s shoulder.

“Anything.” 

“Please don’t hate me.”

“Tsutomu, I already hate you.” Kenjiro smirked.

“I’m being serious!” He whined, pulling away from the other boy.

“You know I could never hate you. I promise that won’t change.” He let a small smile adorn his face. Goshiki took a deep breath before speaking again.

“You know, earlier, when you said it sounded like I had someone in mind?”

“Yes, I remember, you said yeah.”

“That person. It’s you. It’s always been you.”

“Wha-”

“Let me finish. I… we grew up together. You were always there for me… you… you never treated me differently. We had fun, you kept teasing me and I liked that. I felt like I was just a boy, like there weren’t all of these crushing expectations for me. It was you and me, not the prince and kitchen boy. And because of that, through the years, I fell for you. I can’t just go out there tonight and just look at you while women try to become princesses. They don’t know me. I don’t know them. None of us know each other. I don’t love any of them. Not when you’re right there. I love you, Kenjiro, I don’t want to go out there tonight. I don’t want to…” Goshiki trailed off.

Shirabu leaned forward and pressed his lips to the raven’s. He put his everything in that kiss. All of his feelings, his thoughts, his regrets and his wishes were poured out between the two. He pulled away before Goshiki pulled him back in, kissing him over and over and over again.

“I love you so much, Tsutomu.”

“I love you too.”

“We just… we can’t. We can’t… I’m just a kitchen boy. You’re the prince.”

“Please. Don’t do this now. We can leave. I’m sure we can find somewhere secluded, just the two of us.” Goshiki teared up, grabbing the other’s arm.

“The kingdom needs you. They need your pure heart, your smiles and your compassion. They need it, you can’t leave.” Kenjiro rubbed his arm comfortingly, prompting the tears to run down Tsutomu’s face.

“But I’m nothing without you!”

“That’s not true, look at all you’ve done so far! I’m not leaving this place, but we can’t be anything more than friends, that’s just how it is. We’re from different social classes.” Shirabu bit back his own tears, swallowing thickly.

“Then… then let us find each other here again. I don’t want you to be solely my friend. It may be stupid, selfish or risky, but I refuse to let this end. Not when my feelings are requited. Not when I know you want us as much as I do.” He brought his forehead to Kenjiro’s.

“What if I told you your feelings weren’t requited then?”

“You can’t lie to me, Kenjiro.”

“Tsutomu… if we get caught…”

“We won’t get caught! I just… I just want you to be mine. I want to be with you, and only you.”

“But the ball—”

“I’ll go to the stupid ball. And I’ll just choose any girl who seems remotely nice. That should work right? Then I’ll tell her that I don’t like women.”

“You crazy idiot.” Shirabu sighed, bringing his lips to the other’s.

“But I’m your idiot.” Tsutomu smiled in their kiss.

They stayed together for a few more minutes, holding each other close and softly leaving kisses all over their faces. Eventually, Kenjiro pulled away, looking into the other’s eyes.

“I have to go back, and you need to fix yourself a bit. Your eyes are puffy.”

“So are yours.”

“But I don’t matter, you do. Go ahead, my prince, impress them all.” He whispered in Goshiki’s ear before leaving the storage room and heading back to the hall.

He found his tray right where he left it, but with a frowning Eita next to it.

“Ken, where in the fuck did you go?”

“Oh uhm I was busy...”

“What is that supposed to- wait did you cry?”

“No.”

“Kenjiro.”

“It doesn’t matter.” The boy sighed, running a hand through his bangs.

“Whatever you say.” He dropped the subject, leaving Shirabu alone with his tray.

He went back to handing out drinks to the seemingly sane ladies from the back of the room. He tried to get his mind off Tsutomu, off his words, his tears, but most of all, off the way his lips felt on Kenjiro’s. The way his hands had rested behind Shirabu’s neck. 

Then a collective murmur pulled him out of his thoughts. He glanced towards the commotion and noticed Goshiki walking down the main staircase. His heart caught in his throat. He hadn’t had much time to observe Goshiki in the dark storage room, but now that the boy was smiling and pleasantly chatting with people here and there, Shirabu could see him in all of his beauty.

“Kenji, turn off the heart eyes for a second.” Taichi appeared next to him before dragging him closer to the prince. “You’re going to switch places with the king’s maid, prince’s request.” Kawanishi mumbled before dissolving into the crowd.

The ginger’s words sank into Shirabu’s mind as a blush blossomed on his face. 

Prince’s request.

He held back a soft smile as he concentrated on his tasks. He managed it fairly well, until Tsutomu decided to grab a drink from Kenjiro’s tray, their fingers momentarily brushing together. Goshiki’s gaze met his eyes and the younger boy shot him a shy smile. Afterwards, Shirabu couldn’t take his mind off the other, and by the number of times their eyes met, he guessed Goshiki couldn’t either.

Kenjiro let out a soft sigh. This was bound to be his life now. Looking from afar and exchanging looks from time to time. He felt his heart rip to shreds at the thought. Maybe he should’ve listened to Goshiki, back in the storage room. They could’ve left, made a life of their own away from the civilization and the hierarchy. He could’ve been selfish for once in his life. 

But then again, Tsutomu’s whole life was in the castle and he probably wouldn’t last very long in a small house back in the countryside. Shirabu wouldn’t be off much better. He could cook food, but he wasn’t the one to make it grow. He didn’t know how to kill a single animal or how to make a single plant grow. Yeah, Goshiki was much better off in a place where people could take care of him. And if Shirabu had to stay away from him for the raven to be safe, then he would do it without a doubt.

After a while, the guests were brought to the gigantic dining room. It gave Kenjiro a few minutes to empty his thoughts while he went to grab plates from the kitchens. He stacked his tray with plenty of meals before heading back out to the dining hall. 

Shirabu somehow managed to get through the dinner without either choking a dress clad girl or pouring very warm soup on someone’s head, even though the urges were there. 

The after dinner made Kenjiro’s jealousy spike through his guts as he watched his beloved swirl from woman to woman, always keeping a pleasant smile on his face. He was slightly clumsy, sometimes tripping on his feet, but none of the girls he was dancing with seemed to be bothered. 

Then without a warning, Shirabu was pulled on the dance floor by a flurry of dark hair. He looked straight into Goshiki’s eyes as the boy shot him a delighted smile.

“Tsutomu what the hell?”

“I decided that there was no way I was hiding you in a storage closet.” The prince beamed, swirling his partner around.

Shirabu barely had the time to blink that Tsutomu was next to the musicians, motioning for them to stop. Silence fell upon the room as all eyes turned towards the youngest royal son, who had Kenjiro locked to his side.

“I wanted to make an announcement. On our 18th birthday, we’re supposed to choose someone to spend our lives with. I want to honour this tradition, but if I’m being completely honest, I chose my one and only when I was barely 5 years-old. I say chose, but if I’m being open with everyone here tonight, I didn’t choose him. Life brought him to me. The man with me right now is Shirabu Kenjiro. We grew up together and he’s the only one I want to grow old with. I want to thank all of the beautiful ladies here for their presence on my birthday, even though I can’t offer to any of you the place by my side. It’s been a blessing to spend the evening here, with everyone, but especially with my beautiful kitchen boy.” 

Tsutomu looked at him grinning and Kenjiro felt everyone’s stare turn to him. His cheeks flared bright red as he tried pulling away from his lover to hide away. The motion only brought his face into the taller’s chest and he felt a rumble as Tsutomu laughed. 

The crowd clapped enthusiastically just as they did whenever the prince chose his bride and it made the anxiousness in Shirabu’s chest melt away. His gaze met Noryko and she gave him a knowing smile, clapping graciously at her husband’s arm. The music started up again and Kenjiro got dragged back into a whirl of dresses and fancy suits as he was thrown from arm to arm as people celebrated the new member of the royal family,

It didn’t go as he expected, but when the evening finally ended and Goshiki dragged him off to his quarters, showering his face with kisses, Shirabu thought that maybe he was glad he fell in love with the clumsy boy he met in the gardens as a child.


End file.
